Tuesday, March 16, 2010

It may be funny to read but this is my life, people. My life!

It's been a wee bit of a crap day. It started off with a terrible night's sleep. I had one of those horrid tossing and turning nights, with sleep refusing to come, and with it did it was accompanied by technicolour dreams of giant lice parading like dancing girls around my daughter's scalp. Eeeeew.

Then Grumbles crept into our room (what? Morning already? Noooooo! I'm too tired!) to announce that she was full of the cold. The poor old tiger, it seemed, had bugs galore - on her head and in her head. So we decided that no school was to be had, but she did have to trot along with me to my waxing appointment. Whilst there she turned over the chair she was standing on, causing me to try to open my eyes while my eyelash tint was being done. Due to the subsequent leakage of eyelash tint mixed with tears, I now have dyed eyelashes and dyed panda eyes. It's a frickin great look. When the Galumph came home I tried to explain what happened, and he said "I'm sure it will look better when you wash your eye make-up off", to which I spat "I"m not wearing any bloody make up!" The awkward silence hung in the kitchen like divorce papers slying inserted into an in tray.

After the dye-my-lashes-dye-my-face incident Grumbles and I came home. Chores awaited, but instead of going smoothly the pegs attacked me as I tried to hang her sheets (de-lousing, of course, means extra housework), resulting in a splinter in my finger. Hoorah. Ever tried to remove a splinter from your good hand using your wrong one? It's no walk in the park, Johnny boy.

I did manage to get two more dresses sewn whilst Grumbles played games on sesamest.org, which was good. With both of us in more cheerful moods we decided to do the conditioner trick, only this time using the fancy steel toothed comb I got from the chemist this morning.

Tell you what, if you ever want to make your child scream in pain and make them bald at the same time, use one of these combs. I don't blame poor old Grumbles for bellowing - each drag of the comb through her hair pulled out as much hair as bugs. And the damn procedure took over an hour. My beautiful girl didn't even bother crying at the end - she just sort of whimpered continually through her clogged up nose while I tried to tell her that it was almost over, and if we don't do this properly now then we'll never get the bugs out. I think it was cold comfort for both of us, though. I felt like having a bellow myself afterwards, especially when the hair dryer died in my hands.

After all of that I just wanted to collapse on the couch with a bucket of gin and tonic, but noooooooo - dinner must be cooked. Beetroot risotto was on the menu, so Grumbles was parked in front of Elmo and co once more whilst I thumped around the kitchen. I discovered too late that it was not a night to be trying to new recipes - I managed to include a piece of my thumb in the grated beetroot, and as I reflexively jerked the grater away a sliver of beetroot flew through the air and landed in my eye. I ignored the eye in favour of my bleeding thumb, but after about 10 minutes the eye was really beginning to weep. Crossing fingers and hoping the rice wouldn't stick to the pan whilst I examined myself (because I really needed that to happen on top of everything else) I raced the mirror to find a piece of beetroot floating around my eyeball.

This kind of crap can only happen to me. The fact that it regularly does makes it none the easier to deal with. However me and my splinter finger and grated thumb and panda eyes and beetroot eyeball are now enjoying a big fat glass of red and hoping that nothing else goes wrong on this accursed day.

Signing off,
One Fed Up Jorth


  1. Oh dear! Lets hope tomorrow is a better day. Oh and just so you know, you are no way the only person this kind of stuff happens to. :)

  2. Oh, it seems I still have more nit advice to offer. Did you comb her hair with a regular comb to get the knots out before using the nit comb? Then it really shouldn't hurt at all. The recommended method is to use conditioner on dry hair, but I reckon the conditioner is easier to use on damp hair. Buy a cheap conditioner and use loads of it. If it is taking you longer than 20 minutes, don't condition the whole head at once, because the conditioner goes crusty and it is harder to pull the comb through...and the nits are only stunned for about 20 minutes anyway...instead, put half her hair up in a piggy tail and just do one side of the head at a time. Nits can't live off the head / hair, so you don't actually need to wash all the sheets, pillows etc (trust me, it seems less than hygienic, but when she keeps going to school and getting reinfected and this process goes on for weeks and weeks, you'll appreciate being able to justify not doing the extra washing)...just make sure that there are no hairs on the bed. And remember, nits are in no way indicative of how "good" a mother is...some kids are more susceptible, possibly because of blood type. Up here in Townsville, nits are so endemic I think we have a whole research group at the local uni studying them and we have hairdressers promoting themselves as dedicated nit-removers. Sorry I can't help with the panda eyes.

  3. Jorth, my dear, I can assure you that I have this kind of day scheduled on high rotation. Its the classic "comedy of errors", running rather low on the comedic value.

    My sympathies to poor Grumbles too, as I distinctly remember that evil metal comb. It was Grade 1. I was sent home from school with lovely long hair and went back with a short bob. Sigh.

    Hope tomorrow is a better day!

  4. Holy heck. You do life in spades too. To be honest it all sounded rather familiar to me (the just like any other day, sort of thing), although I am mightily impressed by the beetroot eyeball. I've never done that. DId your panda eye turn pink?

    (hope Wednesday is a veritable walk in the park).

  5. Poor poppett/s!!

    I think we all have those days now and again and yes, a big glass of red REALLY HELPS!!!

  6. Oh you did have an awful day, it can only get better from now on. Nits drive me crazy but I agree with the conditioner in the hair part. I also give my daughter's head a dose of the head lice mousse which is great in killing the eggs and lice. I then cover it in conditioner and comb away until I dont find any more eggs. I use one of the fluro head lice combs which are much better and show up the eggs and crawlers much better too. Apparently in the dry season the nits breed even more so that is why they catch them so often. I also spray my daughter's hair with the natural head lice spray which is bright green but it seems to work in keeping them away! Maybe today you can lie on the couch with a glass of wine and relax a bit!

  7. oh dear Jorth, what an awful day. hope you all have a better day today

  8. It reeks of schadenfreude but I really enjoyed this post - you are a great writer... hope your week ends on a high note!

  9. I'm laughing WITH you, not AT you ;D

  10. That is an incredible post!
    I thought I was having a bad day today (3 hours disjointed sleep, lost carkeys, no internet, toddler wetting my bed, baby eating blue playdough, client wanting reprint) but now that I've read this I'm feeling some trepidation about dinner approaching. Definitely not having beetroot.


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