Lady Jorth cast her knitting down upon her book, and reflected that she and cable needles would never - simply never! - get along. If it wasn't hiding underneath a cushion the moment she needed it, then it was slipping out of it's stitches, leaving her to watch in dismay as her swatch for Cherry unravelled. She ran her hand lightly over her sore face, and gave forth a great sigh.
Her husband, Sir Galumph, looked up at the exhalation and, ruffling the pages of his broadsheet, inquired "Why, whatever is the matter, my dear?"
"Oh, it's nothing really - just these blasted pimples on my chin. They do hurt one so!"
"How, at the ripe old age of 30, do you come to be having pimples, my love?", inquired Sir Galumph. He carefully put down his paper, and strolled over to have a closer look. "My God!", he cried as he recoiled in horror. "You dare call these pimples? My girl, you have a veritable pimple goatee! Please explain immediatley how such a thing has come about!"
Blushing, Lady Jorth tried to cover her face with her hands. "Well, it was that business with the hairs!", she cried. "I glanced in the glass the other morning, and realised that I was growing an absolute beard, so I thought to myself that something had to be done, and rushed off to the beauty salon for a wax."
"A beard!" murmured Sir Galumph in tones mixing disbelief with detestation.
Glancing up at his tone, Lady Jorth was struck anew with the abhorrance her new look was causing those around her. She glanced over at Jeeves, who resolutely kept his eyes to the ground. Falteringly, she went on. "And now it appears that I've had some sort of reaction, resulting in the formation of - what did you call it?"
"A pimple goatee", groaned Sir Galumph.
"Yes! A pimple goatee! And to think that we have the garden party on Sunday. I can never face the world in this state!". Wildly she rushed from the room, tears coursing down the valleys and hills of her now acne-scarred face, knitting left behind and forgotten.
"Jeeves!", bellowed Sir Galumph. "Get me a whiskey - a strong one!"
bravo!
ReplyDeleteHilarious! Lucky you didn't go for electrolysis - the pimple goatee can remain for a week or more!
ReplyDeleteHave you tried doing those cables WITHOUT a cable needle? Because the stitches are slipped first, they're not so inclined to unravel themselves - give it a try, it's very liberating!
ReplyDeleteanna
x
Ah, what it is to have a supportive spouse! I've been single-handedly trying to usher in a fashion for hats with conveniently placed veils for some time...
ReplyDeleteOh dear, you are funny but i hope your 'pimple goatee' is gone for the garden party on Sunday :)
ReplyDeleteold age...its a bummer...it think a photo of the goatee would be better than the cables!!
ReplyDeleteI thought part of being a grown up was parting ways with pimples, but apparently not! I thought the trade off of getting frown lines was never having to worry about what my T zone was doing ...
ReplyDeleteCable needles seem to be a bothersome part of making cables - having said that, substituting safety pins [with a suitably unsplitty yarn] can work.
you just made the trauma of an eruption into a very interesting fable. i'm sorry to hear about it... maybe pluck next time? and use chemical-free products on your face!
ReplyDeleteYou've been tagged! Check out my blog.
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha ha. You are very very funny.
ReplyDeleteWhat Anna said. Try a google search for cabling without a cable needle. Lots of lovely people have written up tutorials.
OK. this is normal (the pimple reaction to waxing), if skin isn't cleansed before and after the waxing.
ReplyDeleteAlso, stop waxing, get thee to an electrologist! Gone forever! A bit painful (not too bad on chin, MUCH more painful above the lip...ouch!).
I'm not sure how you feel about recommendations, so won't post on your blog, but you can email me at missjenny01athotmaildotcom if you'd like a recommendation to a faaaaabulous, expert electrologist in Melb. She's been doing it forever and really knows her stuff. I don't work there or get paid by them = but seeing her quite literally changed my life.
Phew, long comment.
Love your blog
MJ