I have an absolute derth of crafty goodness to show you. Trust me, when I say derth, I mean derth: not one stitch have I sewn or knitted in days. And to think I call myself a crafty chicka. Shame, shame. Instead, I'm going to tell you about my Saturday night. Oh baby, what a night it was!
It started out simply enough - my beloved cousin N was down for a few days from Brisbane, and was hanging out with us for a bit. She arrived mid-arvo, and we all sat down peacefully to enjoy a lovely light bottle of rose (Grumbles being on the milk, her drink of choice). N remarked at one stage that she had to go out that evening with The Lovely Miss G (known from now on as TLMG) to see some shows at the Comedy Festival. "Awwww", I groaned in mock jealousy. "Why didn't you tell me? I could have booked some tickets and come along!"
"Well", snorted N as she swilled her drink, "why don't you?"
"Oh, I couldn't impose!", I declared. "Besides, you should spend some quality time with TLMG. I'd hate to be the third wheel."
"Third wheel my sweet arse", replied N. "TLMG is working for the festival, so she's going to be all mingle here, network there. Trust me, I'll be bored out of my head - I need you to come and keep me company!"
I needed no further assurances. We glanced out our watches, realized we might just have time for a spot of dinner before the first show, and away we flew, leaving poor old Galumph scratching his head and wondering what became of his Saturday night (don't worry folks, he reformatted his kernal or somesuch geeky thing).
Meanwhile, N and I hit the first Mexican restaurant we came upon. And boy, was it gooooood. Although I think the two margharitas certainly helped. Silly us made the mistake of ordering ribs, and when they arrived a scant 10 minutes before we needed to leave, we turned into scary prehistoric meat munches, frantically tearing the meat from the bone with our teeth in a bizarre ribby frenzy (and then, of course, spent the rest of the evening clutching our stomaches and moaning "Oh, the ribs! The ribs!").
Then on to the first show. I was a bit worried about getting a ticket at such short notice, but I forgot: We were with TLMG! Three comps (that's complimentary tickets, oh I'm so hip with the jargon now) later, and we were seated on a table (no chairs left) for The Department of Humour Services. Woohoo, belly chuckles all the way, which you do have to be careful of when you are precariously perched on a table with a gut full of Mexican spices.
Then, after snaffling a quick drink at the bar, we headed off to see Josh Thomas in Please Like Me. Oh Josh, I do like you. Very much. And I never thought I'd say this, but I very much enjoyed hearing about your disasterous sex life. Don't worry, you're only 19, and there are plenty more fish in the sea, and hopefully you'll find one who won't have an asthma attack right at the crucial moment. Hopefully.
Now, you'd think that would be enough excitment for one evening, right? Oh, WRONG! N and I must have looked like we were wilting and ready to go home after a big night of chuckles, snorts and weeps of hilarity, because TLMG suddenly insisted that we head back on into the special bar in the Town Hall, and meet her friend Mark. "Oh, boring!", I thought. "Some knob who will keep us out for hours with boring stories, which we'll listen to politely all the time wishing we were home tucked up into our nice warm beds. Greeeeat".
Well, thank heavens above that Mark turned out to be Mark Watson - only one of the Britain's funniest people, with cool accent and funky hair and sidies to match. It was like hanging out with the cool kids, only on a much larger scale. In fact, it was like hanging out with a really truly famous person, and we were in the inner circle whilst everybody else who came up to say hello were just sad little groupies. Oh dear, trust me, there were heaps, all of whom seemed intent on showing Mark just how funny they were, and surprise surprise guess what, they weren't! In fact, some were so UNFUNNY that I almost wanted to take them aside and say "Dude, just leave it. It's painful to watch"
So there you go. What a blast! What with the famous peoples loving being with us (and you know, who wouldn't, bwahahahah!) and the not-so-famous peoples giving us green envious looks, and TLMG swishing her passes so we could get in anywhere we wanted (the power!), it was a top night. We were even told to come along to the HiFi bar after, where only the creme de la creme of comedians got to hang out in some special secret room, but I knew when enough was enough. I mean, how could I ever settle down to normal everyday life after such dizzying highs? Nah, best to remain with the unfunny mortals, and treasure my one evening of seeing how the other and much funnier side live.