Friday, June 01, 2007

He glows! Even without hands!

We're going to a bar mitzvah this weekend, for the Galumph's step-sister's son (hmm, complicated). And when I say this weekend, I mean for pretty much the entire weekend. Our weekend gone, gobbled up just like that! We've got the synagogue tomorrow, then a big reception on Sunday. Is that usual, for the BM to take an entire weekend?

Tell you what, it makes my pissy little first communion look a bit ordinary. I had to wear my sister's communion dress. I think it looked really nice on her, but she was petite and blonde with blue eyes. I was gangly and stick thin, with nothing coloured hair and the dress ended about half way down my calf, instead of gracefully sweeping the floor like it did for her. So my mum thought she'd dress me up a bit by making me wear sparkly silver socks with big clunky white school style shoes. Let me tell you, it didn't improve the look any. And to this day I remember how damnably itchy those horror socks were. In fact, in every photo I've got this scowl on my face, because my feet were being itched to death by them. Oh, the awful memories! And to top it all off I don't think we even did a fancy lunch afterwards. It was the same old sad Sunday sandwhiches, munched in front of The Wide World Of Sports, as per usual. I'm still bitter.

And no fancy presents, no siree. I received a nice picture of Jesus sitting next to the angel Gabriel, and a glow in the dark (I kid you not) Jesus statue which my brother promptly broke the hands off, so poor old Jesus glowed each night holding up his stumps. This step-nephew person has requested that we buy him two juggling tools at $75 a pop. Man, he's got a good deal. Much better than stumpy hands Jesus.

Anyway, the point of this post (besides being cheaper than therapy) was to ask all you wise peoples of the internet what does one write on a Bar Mitzvah card? "Happy Bar Mitzvah" sounds a bit lame. "You're now a man!" sounds a bit, um, pervy. "Just be glad you're not getting a crappy glow in the dark Jesus!" sounds a little bitter and scarred. Suggestions most welcome!


  1. Wouldn't you know it...there's a website just for this occasion:

    ...although I like the (bitter and scarred) crappy glow in the dark jesus comment...that would be the card he passes around all his mates afterwards.

  2. May the good lord bless you on your Bar Mitzvah?

    Jesus, Mary and Joseph! It's your Bar Mitzvah!

    I loved my first communion dress. My Mum made it and it was beautiful.

    But I think she made me wear tights with sandals .....

  3. I wore the same communion dress as both my sisters - it was an odd pale floral number - and we probably got stuck in front of wide world of sports also...Oh the good ole days.... I used to work in a shop that sold tonnes and tonnes of barmitzvah gifts (had alot of handmade israeli jewellery in it) and yes, the gifts are exspensive - and considered very precious. Does beat the old plastic rosary and fridge magnet of Jesus hey!

  4. Anonymous1:20 pm

    I have some glow in the dark jesus', and a mary... I love them.

    Im sure a very jovial 'shalom' or 'muzeltoff' (yeah like Im going to attempt to correctly spell that!!) would suffice!

  5. Anonymous8:13 am

    Loved your description of your First Communion dress experience. Hilarious! You write so well.

  6. Anonymous8:06 am

    Mazel Tov! Which means good luck and good fortune... and is very often used as a form of congrats... used mostly for Bar and Bat Mitzvahs, weddings and births. ;-)

  7. God, these comments - and your blog! - made me laugh, especially V&R's 'Jesus, Mary and Joseph!'


Leave a comment! Make my day!

Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.